I bristle when most people comment on my efforts to eat healthier and exercise. I just hate it, and I hate it because the whole time I can hear them thinking that I’m doing it to make myself more aesthetically appealing, and I can hear them thinking of that as though it’s a good thing. So when people around me comment on how I’m bringing my own lunches to work, or when they try to talk about working out when I mention in passing what I did that morning, it irks me. Because few if any of these people will ask me why I’m doing these things. Almost invariably, they assume I’m doing it for the same reason “everybody” does it: to look fit (aka skinny) so that I have more inherent worth as a person.
Though most people haven’t thought that line of logic through to its end so they’d just say it was so I could “lose weight”…
Either way, that’s not why I’m fucking doing it. I’m doing it because developing this routine of eating healthier and at specific times throughout the day, and developing the routine of working out at the same time every morning, going to the coffee shop before work, going to work, then going home, has so many god damn benefits NONE OF WHICH are “losing weight”: I have so much more energy throughout the day especially at the end, my body feels stronger and not heavy or sluggish, my mood is happier all the time, I don’t feel the need to sleep as long at night, and I can accomplish so much more within my day.
Yeah, developing a healthy lifestyle routine may result in some changes on the outside of my body too, but I don’t care about that. I don’t WANT to care about that. I’d rather keep learning to take care of myself in a way that doesn’t foster hate for my body’s “imperfections” (*cough*). If other people want to focus on how shitty their body is and make their life about making/keeping it nice, then they can go ahead and do that. While leaving me out of it completely.
I remember being sixteen and losing a bunch of weight by the end of the summer because my bussing job was pretty physical, and at some point one of my coworkers commented on it like what I’d done was an amazing accomplishment. I remember just looking at her, somewhat stunned, and ignoring the comment. I don’t feel complimented when people praise me for losing weight. Honestly, I actually feel really insulted that people feel they have the right to vocalise an opinion on whether my body looks good or not. Like, no. Obsess over how well your body compares to Cosmo Magazine’s cover model if you want to, but don’t assume I want anything to do with looking like someone else in order to beautiful.
I look what I look like and fuck off because I like it. So shut up and let me eat healthy and work out without being tainted by terrible ideas about body image. I’m not doing it for the reason you think I’m doing it.